The Art of Sacrifice
by 08joanna
Summary: Immediately post "Small Sacrifices," House and Cuddy discuss Wilson's love life and consider compromises to keep their own relationship afloat.


"Good for you," Wilson said as he left House's apartment.

The door closed and House looked at it for a long moment. Good for him? For lying to Cuddy about never lying to her again? How was that good? It seemed to be a necessary action in order to earn her forgiveness and be able to move on with their relationship, but he still felt uneasy about it, and almost envied Wilson, now alone again.

Wilson, of course, would probably never see the potential advantages of being alone. Sam was another woman giving up and leaving him, in a very long line of such women, but House knew this one would be tough for Wilson to handle. House hadn't known Sam the first time she was with Wilson, as he met Wilson just as Sam had initiated the divorce, but he'd heard the tales of woe repeatedly over the years and had witnessed the devastating effects of the failure of Wilson's first marriage. Wilson seemed to be forever trying to avoid the mistakes that had destroyed his marriage to Sam, who he'd always considered the first love of his life, and he'd bent over backwards to please the subsequent women he'd gotten involved with. That was one of the biggest problems - he'd bent over backwards, trying to change himself and submerging his own preferences and his own happiness in order to please, eventually becoming resentful of each woman he was with and starting to look to others for comfort, cheating on both Bonnie and Julie until finally discovering that Julie was also cheating on him. Amber was different, strong enough to want him to please himself, but of course she'd also been taken from him, suddenly and in a much more devastating way. And now Wilson had sought refuge in House's company the way he always had in the past when his love life had gone sour, and then left quickly when House told him Cuddy was coming over, in essence congratulating House for relenting and apologizing to Cuddy. Was House becoming Wilson, suppressing who he really was to preserve a relationship? Just the thought of that horrified House, but then he considered not having Cuddy in his life, and that also horrified him.

House finally moved from the door and sat down on the couch, waiting for Cuddy to show up. He couldn't shut his mind off, though. He remembered telling Wilson, back when Wilson and Amber had gotten together and Wilson asked him if he was being self-sacrificing in accepting them as a couple, that he would never "sacrifice self". Was he now "sacrificing self" in his attempt to make Cuddy happy? And, if so, was it worth it? Was it a small sacrifice, or a major concession that would eventually doom either the relationship or his sense of self?

Lost in thought, he didn't even notice the knock on his door a few minutes later. Cuddy didn't wait for a response, opening the unlocked door and walking over to approach him on the couch.

"Hi, stranger," she said, leaning down to him for a kiss.

Momentarily shocked, he absentmindedly kissed her back. She sat down and looked at him with a worried expression.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Nothing. Why do you think something's wrong?"

"You look like you're a million miles away."

"I was thinking about Wilson. He was just here."

"What's going on with him?"

"He proposed to Sam, and she broke up with him."

"Oh no," Cuddy said. "I was actually just starting to like her, and they seemed really happy together. What happened?"

"Guess his proposal kind of freaked her out." House didn't want to get into the details of the whole dosing error issue, trying to avoid a sticky conversation about honesty.

"Poor Wilson. How's he taking it?"

"Well, he came over here to drown his sorrows, but when I told him you were coming, he left."

"He didn't have to do that. He probably shouldn't be alone tonight. Maybe you should give him a call and tell him to come back."

"Nah, it's okay. He was actually pretty calm about the whole situation."

Cuddy shook her head. "Why does this keep happening to him?"

"That's a question for the ages," House replied. "I don't think there's a simple answer to it."

"I suppose there was a reason their marriage didn't work the first time around. He might have better luck with someone else, someone he doesn't have a painful history with."

"He's tried numerous 'someone elses' for the last twenty years and the result is always the same."

"So you think it's Wilson's fault rather than the fault of anyone he's been with?"

"It's not a question of fault," House said with a hint of anger in his voice. "He just is who he is – he can't help it."

"I'm not sure what you mean by that, and you seem upset all of a sudden. What's this really about, House?"

House stared at her and leaned back into the couch, somewhat peeved but not wanting to get into another argument.

"Forget it – let's change the subject, okay?"

"No – you said 'he just is who he is' – were you talking about Wilson or yourself?"

House sighed and said, "I don't know - maybe both of us."

"That sounds like an easy all-purpose excuse for doing whatever the hell you feel like doing. Are we back to that now?"

"No, we aren't. I apologized, remember? You got what you wanted."

"What I wanted was truth and sincerity. Did you mean it?"

"Of course I meant it. I'm very sorry that I hurt you with that lie."

"But not sorry about the lie itself?"

"What do you want me to say, Cuddy? What would've happened if I'd told you the truth about that patient? I know he was a weaselly political jerk, but the guy had a right to live, and he'd be dead now if I hadn't lied to you. Is that really the outcome you wanted?"

"Of course not. But there must've been another way."

"I didn't see one, and time was running out. I'm sorry I had to lie to you. But I'm not sorry I saved his life."

"See, it's that 'had to' that drives me crazy. Like there was no other choice. Why are you so sure I wouldn't have changed my mind if you'd told me you tested the Senator and he was positive for Hep C? You must've had a very good reason for believing the patient had it too."

"Sure. He admitted to snorting cocaine with the Senator. Would that really have been enough proof for you, though?"

"Maybe – but you didn't even trust me enough to give me the full explanation."

"I didn't think there was time for a full explanation."

"So you lied."

"Yeah."

"I understand it. I really do, House. And one of the things I love about you is your determination to do everything you can to save a patient. But next time, just try trusting me a little more. If you have logical, solid reasons for a medical opinion, I promise to give you the benefit of the doubt. Okay?"

House looked at her dubiously, and then cocked his head to the side and considered what she was saying. Maybe she had a point. Maybe he could've been honest with her and still gotten what he wanted. Maybe lying didn't have to be his go-to default solution for everything. He leaned toward her, winding an arm across her shoulders and pulling her in to his embrace.

"Is this your answer?" Cuddy asked, smiling at him.

"Yeah," House said, taking her hands and starting to stand. "Why don't we continue my answer in the bedroom?"

Cuddy laughed. "That always seems to be where we wind up anyway, doesn't it?"

"Well, there are certainly worse places to be, and worse ways to communicate. Don't you agree?"

Cuddy answered with a silent nod, and they headed down the hallway to House's bedroom, arm in arm.


End file.
